Amazon Announces New Alexa Products, Including a Microwave

Amazon announced this Monday that they wish to release a new line of Alexa-enabled products, including subwoofers, car jacks, and… microwaves… before the end of the year. Yes, local corporate overlord, Amazon, has decided that microwaves are not convenient enough, and therefore, elected to make models you can yell at. More accurately, they’re expanding the Alexa line of developer tools to include firmware and a command interface that can run on microwave ovens and other kitchen appliances from a range of manufacturers. This new Skynet interface developer toolkit is just one part of the ongoing crusade from tech companies to ensure every device in your house will be worse at understanding you than ever.

As well as through machines that have power over your food and whether or not your kitchen is currently on fire, Alexa will soon be able to tell you terrible puns from inside your car. Amazon, deciding that road rage and distracted driving aren’t important concerns for modern drivers, is promising Alexa-enabled car gadgets. Now, you can have all the capability of the smartphone you already paid for in a less convenient package, all while on the go.

So, just a few years ago, we all laughed over jokes about Razer Toasters or Apple’s shenanigans, but Amazon manages to out-capitalism the competition once again. By offering a simple boost in convenience that truly enhances almost nothing (you still have to put the food in your microwave on your own, so automated reheating isn’t a thing yet), Amazon hopes to spread its web out to every facet of the day-to-day. Now please excuse me, I’m going to go put Will Smith and Arnold Schwarzenegger on speed-dial in preparation for the robot invasion.