The Official Handball Power Rankings for 2019

Welcome everyone to the long-awaited, long time coming, HANDBALL POWER RANKINGS 2019. This time, we have brought together 3 powerful judges: the power ranking man himself, Nick Looney; fencing captain and athletic specialist Cole Noss; and team analysis expert Michael Finnen. The Handball Tournament is, unlike many other Oratory sports tournaments, one of the few where it could be anyone’s game. With over 20 teams in the running this year, these are our picks for the rankings. And remember, ““I would just like to remind everyone that this is purely opinion based (although I think it’s accurate) and that you should feel free to make your own rankings if you disagree.” -Jack Munro” -Nick Looney. With that being said, enjoy the rankings, starting with:

23. Nothing But Net: Colin Reis, Michael Tedesko, Zach Pavlounis, Ryan Kennedy, Greg Jones, Connal Gorman, Kyle Gann,

We hope these gentlemen are ready to ball out. They’re young middle schoolers, and while the thought of hitting net is always enticing, we fear these men will be aiming over the top crossbar and merely hitting behind the net. The Pavlounis name is good to see, but his brother is known for basketball. On top of that, these guys have a tough first matchup against one of the more powerful sophomore teams in the tournament. A solid team, but in the wrong spot at the wrong time? Maybe they should wait for the 3 on 3 basketball tournament?

22. Papa Quan Pizia: Patrick Conniff, Robbie Costello, Luigi Pantano, Michael Swanstrom, Luke Evangelista, Michael Greco, Peter Loia and Will Schlageter

Papa Quan is a middle school team with some talent, but their age definitely will hold them back. Patrick Conniff isn’t quite the figure that “Tall Tommy”, who we assume is his brother, is, but height runs in families, and the Conniff genes can reign terror upon any opposing team, causing any opponent to wet their pants just thinking about a Conniff standing over them imposingly as they desperately try to get a pass off. You’ll also notice there’s a Costello on this team. Can he live up to his father’s legacy? We’ll see. Going against higher ranked INTEGRITY in round 1, they sit at spot 22 on our list.

21. Priceless Possessions: Joshua Costello, Aidan Murphy, Evan O’Dowd, Matthew DeAngelis, Philip Brust, Daniel Pereira, Joseph Barresi

Young guys, relatively unknown. You already know how this goes if you happened to read “Nick Looney’s stellar Dodgeball Power Rankings 2018” (Always Be Pluggin’). Young teams always have trouble in tournaments like handball, as they are often easily outmuscled and overrun. Mr. Barresi is a proven force on the court for sure, and we can be sure he’ll be out there playing at his best, but whether his team can support him is a different story. A wise man once said, “there’s no I in handball.” We’ll have to see how these guys do, but considering that their first matchup is against a team full of juniors, their Priceless Possessions may be getting stolen pretty quickly.

20. The Faris Wheel: Angus Kupinas, Anthony Millan, Xander Misrahi, Gerard Fargiano, Connor McDermott, Sebastian Murray, Faris Nassoura, Adam Matos

This team is unknown, a common theme throughout these lower teams, with no notable star power like Mr. Sinden (who is on the team in front of them) to carry them. The only reason they beat out the teams behind them on this list is their seniority leading to a likely more consistent team, but against another junior team in round 1, these freshmen will have to fight their hardest to advance in the tournament.

19. Sinden’s Lieutenants: Nicholas DeRosa, Sean Dibadj, Mr. Sinden, Brendan Milton, Sutton Collins, Nicholas Hrehorovich, Nicholas Yarad, Gavin LaRusso

This team is mostly made up of fresh, unknown middle school talent. However, this team does have the legend himself, Mr. Sinden. Freshly trained in the land of North Carolina; fear the beard, respect the man. Mr. Sinden could certainly win the handball tournament all by himself if he wanted to use his full power. However, since the rest of his team is made up of underclassmen, we feel that they may be easily overrun by the older teams in the tournament.

18. K Train: Calvin Ruberti, Tommy Conniff, Johnny Driska, Enzo Canali, Terrance McCarthy, Jack Cuddihy, Mr. Kaounis

This team is packing some interesting variables in this tournament. The combination of the absolute powerhouse bodybuilder Mr. Kaounis, (Nick Looney once saw him pumping iron with pumpkin sized weights like they were nothing) and Tommy Conniff, who can easily eat soup off of the top of any student’s head, could be a force on the court with their combined power and height. However, the rest of the team are mostly unknown, so the question mark still exists with this team about how strong they are as a whole. Also important to consider is the matchup, and these guys have one of the worst first matchups of the tournament, going against a team of all seniors. They will have to rely heavily on Mr. Kaonis to overpower the beefy seniors on Gaertner’s Marketing.

17. Gary Saitta’s Team: Alexander Werbaneth, Cristian Simms, Ryan Schuh, Ryan Whyte, Avi Tahl, Gary Saitta, Jason Aurigemma

This unknown freshman team has two things going for it that we can see: the Werbaneth athletic talent put into the body of a much larger freshman child than his junior older brother, and Ryan Whyte, a swimmer; and swimmers always clean up at these competitions. All things aside, since their first matchup against the Ball Boys is one of the hardest in the tournament, we do not expect them to make it very far. Will Gary Saitta will be able to make a name for himself in this tournament with his team being named after him? We’ll have to see what happens.

16. Arnav 5.0: Robert Grasso, Garrett Hall, Mike Percario, Matt Clark, Aidan Reed, Joe Sannito, Brian Kelly

Arnav is BACK! The fifth iteration of the team is looking strong, and its members have plenty of experience at this point. We have a feeling they will finally hit their sweet spot this tournament and go far. Younger Sannito does have the experience and genes of his older Lead Ram brother Nick. They have a bye, so we will have to see who their first matchup will be…

15. Cleveland Browns: Darren Keaveney, Kevin Colandrea, Quinn Boylan, Blaine Chesnut, Nico Stauffer, Chris Cowel, Peter Lease, Alexander Conway

This team,  much like the football team it is named after, will probably not be taking home any championships this year. While little Stauffer and little Boylan may have their older brothers’ basketball talents to lean on, these guys might have more success in the 3 on 3 Tournament than here. Maybe they have a hidden talent that no one knows about, but no one will know until the fateful day comes.

14. Seebode Security: Matt Terraciano, Jack Wilson, Connor Sensenich, Alexander Fudenna, Nicholas Eager, Jeremy Jarvis, Jack Calandriello, Mr. Guerreiro

This 9th-grade team is sporting mostly freshmen, but Mr. Guerreiro could be enough to bring them far. That being said, young Jarvis, if he’s even close to as scrappy as his older brother, could be what the team needs to go far. Coupled with little Fudenna, fitness club aficionado, they are capable of mounting a powerful offensive which could topple heavy foes. We see potential with this team. That being said, their natural size as freshies, as well as having the worst starting matchup in the entire tournament, will be detrimental toward their chances of winning.

13. Tom’s Backpack: Greg Lahr, Will Moran, Andy Moran, Michael Crapser, Luke Jacobello, Alec Berg Thies, Sam DeMarinis

This team sports some siblings of current seniors and some pretty good athletes at that. Word on the street is that Michael Crapser has been training for years to surpass his brother, desperate to get so beefy his absolute mass will not be able to be contained within his older brother’s string bean shadow. Luke Jacobello also released some sick ground pounds on the sophomore retreat, releasing his pure POWER, an ability that could certainly come in handy. Tom’s Backpack is where we start to see some real heated competition.

12. The Lads: Jacob Cordeiro, Jason Chacon, Jack Greco, Coley Snyder, Michael Viggiano, Liam Henderson, Jonathan deMontagnac, Logan Drone

The Lads has some seriously strong sophomore talent. Logan Drone’s baseball arm is gonna be firing away, releasing a maelstrom upon the unfortunate goalie of the opposing team a run for his money. These guys are sophomore legends and we just have a good feeling about them; they’ll do well.

11. Burn the Boats: Kenny Heffernan, Kilian Mann, Matt Werner, Brendan Kenny, Johnny Botros, Doug Colandrea, Jeff Jarvis

The first of two teams that Jeff Jarvis is on somehow…. In the immortal words of Mr. Corcoran, “instead of playing Where’s Waldo, let’s play where’s Jarvis” because between him and his brother, the Jarvis name is going to pop up quite a few times on handball day. The team itself looks solid, with Jarvis being a good athlete, and his sophomore teammates all being good athletes.

10. H Town: James Boylan, Rob Van Volkenburgh, Jeremy Smith, Nick Yanuzzi
Padraig Stack, Chris Morrison, John Dawidowicz

H Town easily has some of the strongest sophomore talent. Athletic talent is prevalent. And, little-known fact, Boylan and Van Volkenburgh were Oratory Middle School Basketball teammates, so they are essentially bonded for life and will be in sync.

9. G6’s Clementines: Will Heffernan, Pete Skinner, Will Dondero, Jaden Brescia, Sam Ilagan, Lucas Pavlounis, Tom Lamonte, Aidan Philbrick

Lucas Pavlounis is about as tall at the basketball hoop according to his classmates’ estimations. This Bigfoot of a man is backed up by swimming star Sam Ilagan, designated computer genius Jaden Brescia (every good action move team has one) and the brother of our former leader, Will Heffernan, and several more sophomore all-stars.

8. A UN House Party: Ty Cross, Connor Snow, James Simon, Alphonso Renzulli, Sean Brennan, Jeremy Arroyo-Florez, Ezra King

We’re not sure where their name came from, seeing as not a single one of the members of this team participate in Model UN. That being said, they are strong players all around. Big boys like Ezra King will not afraid to body someone and lay them out. In contrast Jeremy, our school’s resident hooligan is not afraid to be bodied, and will take the hit for his team. With Ty’s speed and long strides he can literally cross the court in like three steps, kid’s a phenom.  AJ Renzulli has been training for years for this tournament, standing under waterfalls in the deep jungle meditating and such, and is an absolute brick wall. Flanked with Ezra’s unstoppable force serving as their tank, they could easily dominate a team if given a chance.

7. INTEGRITY: George Castro, Joe Del Sol, Jason  Cevallos, Jack Holt, David Schelhorn, Dylan James, Jeremy Arroyo-Flores, Ted Babcock

George Castro’s A team reappears yet again. With Stonewall Jack Holt in goal, their defense will likely be impeccable. Joe Del Sol (who is definitely 20 change my mind) will be out there making plays and dancing while doing it. Unfortunately, this team and its many incarnations throughout the years often come short. But will they surprise this year?

6. Mexico, linked with ShAkeSpEaRe’s LeMoNaDe StAnD: Cole Noss, Ryan Del Rio, Sam Anthony, Jack Coyne, John Annunziata, Robert Williams,, Andrew Gsell, Richard Williams, Andrew Stauffer, Jack Mogen, Aidan Watkins, Nate Yeager, Luke Bernstein, Kyle Rothelin, Michael Finnen

Note: Most of these guys will not suit up on game day. In losing many of their members to Model UN and Bowling, Mexico and Shakespeare’s Lemonade Stand combined their two teams together. This team will likely surprise after a series of upsets led them to reach the semifinals of the dodgeball tournament. The judgment call on the sudden death to decide their losing match is still hotly debated, but they’re back and ready to rep our southern neighbor across the border. (Disclaimer: some of us are on this team, but we tried our best to take all bias out of this article)

5. Ball Boys: Alex Felitto, Matt Garibaldi, Declan Mckee, Steve Fudenna, Miles Madigan, James Kim, Jeff Jarvis, Ben Landis

The strongest junior team in the tournament. Ben Landis and James Kim have the insane throwing speed from baseball. Jeff Jarvis, appearing yet again, will be saucing bodies left and right. Miles, the winner of the 8th grade PE award, is gonna go HARD. This team will be ballin’ and it will take a great team to stop them once they get going.

4. Hit em with the Big Tuff: Liam McFarland, Andrew Meisner, Sean Vowells, James Schneider, Eric Rhines, Owen Novak, Joe Nassoura, Nick DeFelice

Manager: Kevin DePoortere

This team, surprisingly, is the only one to have a designated manager, so they have a strategic advantage. In addition, seniors always perform well in athletic tournaments. We expect Meisner to be an absolute beast on the court, and we’re willing to put money down he will be wearing Vassar College gear while he does it.

3. PasKnicks: Dominic Maida, John Reilly, Nick DeMarinis, Jack Sildat, John Meehan, James Crapser, Joey Jarowitz, Mrs. Pasnik

This team, made up of many members of The OP Hockey Team, or “OP Puck”, as many prefer to call it, certainly has the potential to make it very far into the tournament. The combination of the beefcake himself James Crapser with the speed of Dom Maida and Joe Jarowicz is definitely a force to be reckoned with. Mrs. Pasnik also tends to perform well in Oratory athletic competitions. Mrs. Pasnik is fluent in Spanish, so maybe they could create a secret code of plays that will confuse the other teams. Tire la pelota! Strategy could be their ticket to victory over these top 2 teams…

2. Gaertner’s Marketing: John Kraft, Casey McKee, Sean Carey, Will DeMilt, Sidney Lauredant, Mike Roper, Dillan McMahon, Andrea Fiorenza

This team, in the top two, has a big chance to take the title. The guys on this team cleaned up at the dodgeball tournament and will likely clean up again. This team is full of big bodies, including Andrea Fiorenza, the biggest body of them all (serious this guy is huge) Any opponents facing these guys are sure to get a rude awakening. Basketball star Casey McKee, while he has been unable to lend his talents to the basketball team, certainly will be a huge force for this team’s success.

1. Mulch: Nick Mascolo, Ryan Kenny, Chris Kraemer, Nick Sannito, Drew St. Amant, Fernando Aviles, John Spitznagel

This team is easily the strongest team in the tournament. It has some of the best senior athletes across multiple sports, with virtually no weaknesses. Drew St. Amant runs the tournament, so this team knows all of its inner workings. He could even rig it and there would be nothing we could do to stop him. Not that this team needs it. Kraemer is a cross country star, Spitznagel is a hockey legend, and Fernando got into Princeton if you guys didn’t hear. They even have some Mock Jocks! This team has everything it needs to take the title this year.

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