Thanksgiving is Subpar

Out of all the Holidays that are underwhelming, boring, or straight up a waste of my time, Thanksgiving gets the metaphorical medal for being the worst. The food is dreadful, the decorations are eyesores, and it is a general waste. Firstly I hate turkey, it is dry and wholly flavorless and it basically functions as a conduit for the sauce. If I just wanted to eat sauce I’d grab a spoon and dig in. Even the side dishes are evils themselves, stuffing is a shadow of the ingredients it once was, the plethora of vegetables are much too healthy, and maybe just maybe there is a version of potatoes that is somewhat edible. Compared to its primary competitor of Christmas Dinner, Thanksgiving is just lacking. Christmas brings delicious ham and side dishes unequaled by any other holiday. When I have such a tantalizing prospect just one month from such a bleak event how could I ever accept Thanksgiving’s low standards? Not even to mention the bleak brown that dominates November. Watching leaves rot and die, plastering the ground with their corpses is just not the image I am trying to conjure for 1/12th of the year.