Something is Rotten in the Class of 2023

There is an evil, conniving, conceited liar in this otherwise glorious class. You can shake his hand, and feel human flesh gripping yours, but he is an animal. The Garrett Grabowski that you see roaming the halls and scurrying through the shadows is a grimy, squalid, nasty, and profane thing.
Every day, he taunts those around him; every morning, he torments me, exclaiming, “You are British.” He holds great disdain for the British Isles in general, rolling his eyes whenever I dare mention British politics in the History and Politics Club while simultaneously bullying any Irishman he sees. He babbles trite, depraved recriminations to distract from his own horrid crimes and beliefs. He shows little discipline and responsibility, frequently showing up late to History and Politics Club meetings and subsequently blaming others. Moreover, when questioned on his opinions of the Antipodes, he said, “I, Garrett Clifton Grabowski, hate the Antipodes and Antipodean people, purely due to their British ancestry.” His hatred and bigotry clearly know no bounds.
He has even gone as far as infiltrating the Omega, using its influence on public opinion to write a foul slander article in hopes of deceiving the Rams. The creature you know as Garrett must be stopped, lest this insidious scoundrel adulterates the purity of Oratory Preparatory School.

*Note: This is a satirical piece. Garrett is a wonderful human being!